It's Mom's Turn

It's been awhile since I've written a post... Sorry not sorry.  The truth is I've been too busy LIVING to sit down and write.  And I know all of my cheerleaders are so happy to hear that.  The past week, we've had 65-75 degree days, so Mase and I have been busy with park play dates, climbing rock walls, flying kites, playing pirate ship and anything else we can manage to do outside.  Oh, the feel of sun on my scalp is amazing!  *Note to self, put sunscreen on my pale, bald, head.*

This past weekend I went to Mom's and Mase and Richard had a guy's weekend.  Last week was Mom's turn to have her bilateral mastectomy.  As a reminder, Mom also is a carrier of the faulty BRCA mutation. To be honest, she should have been the first one to have her mastectomy, as the odds certainly aren't on her side (statistically she has an 87% chance of developing breast cancer by the time she's 70).  But, she insisted Jill and I have our surgeries first, even though she is at greater risk of developing cancer due to her age.  What an absolute blessing her selflessness turned out to be - my cancer was very aggressive and just waiting a few months would have made things much worse.  She didn't think twice about holding off on what she needed to make sure my sister and I could do what we needed.  I can't thank you enough, Mom! Please join me in praying she gets a clean pathology report... Honestly we are all waiting; Holding our proverbial breath for the pathology report, which should come in any day now.  Mom really is struggling to even take a breath - honestly it's difficult to even take a deep breath after a mastectomy.  Mom, it gets better, I promise!

As I was tending to mom this weekend, I had a roller coaster of emotions.  A mastectomy is not an easy surgery; It's physically hard and emotionally even harder.  To purposefully scar up your body in hopes of avoiding something even worse (cancer) is a hard decision.  Do you roll the dice and take the chance of being the lucky 13% who won't develop cancer?  Should you leave well enough alone? It's a tough call.  I also found myself joyful that Mom had done everything she could to reduce her risk.  She has done all that she can do, and there should come some relief with that (although the real relief will come after the path report comes back all clear).  Also, it felt good to just lay in bed with her or wake up and have ice cream at 2am together, as she had done with me so many times over the past 6 months.  I know she didn't need me, Dad had everything under control, but I also know it isn't always about what you need, it's about what you want.  I remember telling mom I didn't need her (Richard had everything under control), but I wanted her.  Sometimes you just need your mom... Or daughter.

Honestly, for our family, it is the easiest, most difficult decision ever. My mom was 8 years old when her mother died of ovarian cancer (another BRCA related cancer).  Her mother was carrier of the BRCA mutation, although of course it wasn't known back then.  Mom knows the pain of losing a parent.  Of wishing her mom could see her graduate, be there on her wedding day, or when her kids were born.  She doesn't want her time cut short with her family or grandkids.  She was robbed of time with her mom due to BRCA and she's determined to not let that happen for my brother, my sister or I.    I know the decision she made was about being there for us, because she didn't want us to go through what she had to when she lost her mom.  Again, thank you Mom!  We still need you!  God knows I still need you!

UPDATE: Mom's pathology report came back all clean!! Praise the Lord!! Can't wait to celebrate Asa family!