Chemo #6 - Chemo is tough, but I am tougher.

As we made the drive to the Hulston Cancer Center, Richard and I were reflecting on the first time we made that drive just over 4 months ago.  We were in disbelief that we were reporting for chemotherapy.  And today, we were in disbelief that we were reporting for our last chemotherapy.  We made it; The fight isn't officially over (I'll have infusions through November and another reconstruction surgery and at some point they will need to remove my port), but we finished the toughest rounds.  I do have a sick week ahead of me, but knowing it will be my last sick week makes me giddy.  I can handle anything just one more time.  

All smiles on his last day of chemo!  

 Around 10:00 this morning, while we are checking in for chemo, my phone starts to blow up with emails and text messages.  Richard (along with my friends Shavonne, Brian, Maria and my Mom) had arranged for people to send messages of encouragement all at once.  It was amazing.  And it made me cry.  I've said it before, but I'll say it again: I am surrounded by some amazing friends and family.  

Richard's excited about it being our last day of chemo, probably because he thinks he'll get out of taking pictures with me.

Mason was excited too...  This kid has made a lot of sacrifices during this time.  He probably isn't even aware of the sacrifices he's made.  But Richard and I are and we could not be prouder.  Team Moss: One team, one dream! 

Bummer that most of my important counts were on the low end of the scale.  But, not low enough to keep me from finishing this final round.  My body is tired.  It's struggling to put up with the stress we've put it through the past 4 months.  It definitely fights back after my treatment in a barrage of side effects.  Chemo is tough, but I am tougher.

Our final waiting room selfie before we start round #6.  Can't you tell how excited Richard is? 

Me as they are disconnecting me from the infusion machine.  I was choking back the tears.  Can't believe this chapter is nearing an end.  I'm so excited.  And proud.  And honestly, a little scared.  But overall, they were very happy tears!

I did it!  6 rounds with poison getting pumped through my body.  

A family picture right before I ring the bell.  It meant so much to me that Mase was there.  

Me ringing the bell.  Ringing the bell signals the end of chemo and is a tradition at most cancer centers.  

What meant the absolute most to me was that my family showed up to ring the bell and cheer me on! The support we have gotten from my family and Richard's family has been amazing.  We are so blessed. 

Getting cheered on by my family meant the world to me.  Jill wasn't able to make it up from Florida, but that's okay because I booked Mason and I a little celebratory trip down there.  I cannot wait to get a big hug from my sister and feel that Florida sun on my head!  

Chemo #4. Kicking Tail. Taking Names.

Today begins chemo cycle #4 of 6.  My counts were good enough and on some level I was giddy for today's infusion.  All 5 hours of it.  You see, in a few days, I'll hit a rough patch.  And after that, I will officially be on the downhill slide.  Only 2 more left after that.  THAT is a number I can live with.

My day started out with a tissue expansion fill.  Things are shaping up nicely so far.  Pun intended.

Today, during chemo, I realize I am especially blessed after I spoke with a lady about her journey.  She has pretty much been in chemo for the past 8 years.  She started out with breast cancer.  But it had reached stage 4, and had also spread to her lungs and her brain.  Her attitude was amazing.  Her journey, no doubt will be very tough, and the way it sounded it will never end.  Chemo can help manage her disease, but it won't cure her disease.

I can hear them ordering another patient morphine.  Me, I'm sitting comfortably in a recliner with my handsome, supportive husband by my side, ever so gently rubbing my leg and asking if I feel okay (chemo makes my face puffy from all the fluids and flush).  So, today I count my blessings.

Also, a good friend of ours came to hang out for a few hours of my chemo session.  And he brought lunch.  YES!  Thanks, Zach!  That reminds me of another friend, Debra, who has managed to send me a care package, complete with toys for Mason in it, for every treatment.  Even though, she has been dealing with some family health struggles, too.  And I've had numerous texts and messages from others checking in on me today.  Thanks for all the love.  Again, counting my blessings.

Richard has decided that the worst part of my chemo appointments is that I make him take a selfie with me every time.  And he can't even say no since I have cancer.  Hang in there, R.  Only 2 more to go.

Our friend Zach came to visit.  I made him join the selfie fun, too.  Loved seeing him.  He always makes us laugh!

UPDATE: While on infusion day I felt like I was kicking tail, truth be told chemo kicked my tail a few days later.  My 4th cycle hit me hard!  I spent well over 48 hours lying in bed or on the couch.  I was so exhausted I didn't even have the energy to watch TV.  I didn't sleep any more than usual, just pretty much laid there and chatted with mom when I was up for it.  Honestly, it felt like a setback ~ I handled cycles 2 and 3 so well.  I wonder if some of the chemo drugs have a cumulative effect and my body was angry, as it has reached its threshold.  I don't know, but I know it was a tough struggle for a few days.  This too shall pass.

Say Cheese!

I've avoided pictures...  Really, who wants a picture when you aren't looking your best?  And let's be honest bald isn't exactly the look I was going for, but it is exactly the look I have.  A few months ago I read this piece called The Mom Stays in the Picture.  The biggest thing I took from this post is that we all take different things from a picture.

Here's an example:

Mom and Mason making cinnamon ornaments.
December 2014

I'm the first to admit, this isn't a great photo... But I love it.  I showed it to my mom and she did the typical response a lot of us are probably guilty of: I look old or fat or fill-in-the-blank here.  When I look at it, I see none of that.  I remember beaming with joy as my mom did a project with Mason that she used to do with me when I was younger.  As I took this picture I soaked in Mason's enthusiasm and the pride he showed in his project.  I listened to my mom and Mason laugh together and create together.  Does it get any better than that?

So today Mason wanted to take a picture and send it to Richard while he was working...  We did that and I cringed at my big old bald head... And then I remembered the article about when kids look at pictures they don't see our imperfections, they see our hearts.  

I pray that one day Mason and I will look back at this and not cringe over my bald head... Instead I hope he sees a growing-up-too-fast four year old who wanted to cuddle with his mama.