Ugh! I have a love/hate relationship with my treatments. I dread it. I've found my good days getting clouded by the dread of knowing what's to come. I know next weekend I will be very sick, very achy and not able to do much of anything. I know my only goal next Saturday, Sunday and Monday will be to make it through the day. It almost seems sinful to waste a good day, such as today, with worrying about the future. But, the worry manages to creep in.
I also love the fact that after my next treatment, I will be 1/3 the way through. And by New Year's I will be half way finished with my sentence treatment. I'm hoping to have a cute, spunky hair style by summer. I can do this! It's just a season, right? Come to think of it, New Year's day I will likely feel the same way some of you may feel on New Year's Day. Hungover. I guess I can take comfort in knowing my chemo hangover isn't of my own doing.
Okay, back to being abundantly blessed. I've been working on Christmas cards, and as I write each one, I am reminded of why I am abundantly blessed. It isn't at all the things around me, it is the people around me. It's my boss and department I work for that has been beyond supportive of me. It's my friend Joni in Marshfield who watches Mase when I have appointments and showers him with love. It's my friends Sam and Tara who I haven't seen in nearly a year and continue to text me at those times I need the support. Their texts of encouragement always seem to come just when I need it. Or my best friend from high school Sarah, who always makes me smile and we can pick up a conversation so easily just like we did in high school. Or my mom and dad, who have been beyond supportive of me ~ not just with this cancer ordeal, but my entire life, whether I deserved their support or not. And my sister. Especially my sister. Today she told me "it's okay to tell me when you have bad days. You don't need to protect me from those. I want to be there for you." She said she can tell when I have a bad day because I won't answer my phone. She's right. She knows me all too well. I miss her something awful!
And then there is my little family. I look at Mase and I just want to cry ~ but in a good way. I love the little guy he is becoming. He has a heart of gold! I am so thankful that he's not old enough to be embarrassed of me and my bald head. That would break my heart. Instead, he helps me pick out my hat and headscarves, and I almost always go with whatever he picks. If only time would slow down. That kid has my heart. I love him so much that it makes my heart ache, again in a good way. And then there is my husband. Who continues to shave his head since I am losing my hair. Who still wakes up in the middle of the night to ask me if I need anything. Who loves me unconditionally. And supports me and encourages me to be me... I am humbled that I get to be married to such an amazing man and that Mason has such an awesome example of a man to look up to. I love both of them so much it's quite frankly hard to even put into words...
Even though I have this cancer thing going on, I still feel like the absolute luckiest girl in the world.
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