TaTa... I mean TaDa!

I've been a bit hesitant to write the post, and if you know me, you know I'm not hesitant to say much. Honestly, now that I am feeling better, I am feeling a little more protective over my boobs.  They aren't trying to kill any more.  Yes, they are still a work in progress, but they are feeling more a part of me every day.  I am a little hesitant to share, but I am so grateful for the women who have mentored me on this path and if I'm able to mentor or help make someone else's journey a bit easier by offering some information, some humor and understanding then that would make my over sharing worth it.

Here's a bit of background: After my prophylactic mastectomy, performed by a breast surgeon, my plastic surgeon put in expanders.  These are basically empty shells (think like a small deflated ball) inserted in pocket he made in my chest muscle.  Every few weeks, I would visit with my plastic surgeon and he would use a syringe to gradually fill my expanders with a saline solution.  While I had a skin sparing mastectomy, my muscle still had to be stretched to create a large enough pocket to hold my permanent implant.  The expanders were quite uncomfortable and rock hard; I'd often compare it to having two cereal bowls in my chest.

On Wednesday, I went in for my exchange surgery. During this surgery, the plastic surgeon takes out the expanders and puts in permanent implants.  The doctor used the same scars he made during my initial mastectomy surgery.  I chose to go for silicone implants, as they look and feel the most natural and my doctor thought that would give me the best result.  My surgeon also took the opportunity to to shave an additional part off of my left chest muscle, as one of the margins to my tumor was very narrow.  The surgery took less than an hour and a half.  I checked in early in the morning and by noon was released and having lunch with Richard and my mom.  While any surgery is scary, this was one that I looked forward to... hopefully it marks the end of my reconstruction.

The pain with this surgery was much less than my mastectomy.  I took pain pills for about two days and ibuprofen one day after that.  While I must be cautious about my activity, I am able to do pretty much anything that doesn't involve heavy lifting.

I was instructed to wear this super tight sports bra for the next 3 weeks (quite a change for me since I haven't had to wear a bra for the last 7 months).  I cannot wait to take this beast bra off and try on some clothes.  Overall, I am happy with my results so far, although it can take some time for things to settle.  My right breast looks phenomenal, nicely shaped and perky.  My left breast still has some significant bruising and swelling, but that is to be expected because of the additional trauma.  I'm anxiously awaiting to see how things fall into place within the next few months.

I will draw the line at posting my pictures on my blog, however, if you are someone who is going through a breast cancer diagnosis and would like to see the progression, feel free to email me and I would be willing to share my pictures with you.  Seeing others' pictures was a big comfort to me and helped me know what to expect along the way.

No matter what my breasts look like, the key thing to remember is that they aren't trying to kill me any more and that is absolutely worth celebrating!  Admittedly, I'm also celebrating having perky boobs, too.

"Mom looks weird here."

I was getting dressed this morning and was determined to change out of pajamas.  I went to put on a pair of jeans that felt just a tad too tight, but I so desperately wanted to wear something other than pajamas that I didn't even care.  Next, I picked out a bright green tank top that I was trying to step into.  Lifting up your arms isn't really an option so all clothes must either be button up, zip up, or step into.  I got the tank top up half way above my legs and it got stuck.  I'm not able to pull very hard to get it over my hips and I don't have the flexibility to wiggle it back down my legs.  Richard was on the phone going over a very important Fantasy Football trade when he noticed my struggle.  He stopped to help rescue me from my tank top, and then Mase ran in our room and jumped onto our bed.  I had on my jeans, and a tank top half-way up my hips and Richard was trying to shimmy it down my legs.  I could see Mason was looking at my chest and drains and I could see on his face that he realized that something was different.  We are a pretty open family, so Mason had seen me naked before and he knew what mommy looked like.  He knew that I looked a lot different now.  Richard helped rescue me and got me a nice zip up jacket that wouldn't attack me.  We both knew that Mase saw something he wasn't sure about, but we weren't sure how to address it.  I had a new friend coming over to visit with me on some things, so Mase and Richard decide to go get a pretzel.  Richard took it upon himself to ask Mason a few questions.  The exchange went a little like this:

Richard: Mason, were you scared today when you came in the room and saw mom's tubes? 

Mason: "A little. (He lifts his shirt and points at his nipples) Mom looks a little weird here.  Not us, but Mom.  Dad, lift your shirt so I can see yours." (Richard proceeds to lift his shirt to show Mason his nipples.)

Richard: "Well son, Mommy is sick right there but she's gonna get better.  Those tubes will be out in a couple days and she will start getting better there." 

Mason: "Dad watch! (as he climbs the bench) I'm exercising!" 

*And the moment was gone...  

I love that Richard took the time to ask Mason how he was feeling.  I love that Mase was receptive to sharing with his Dad.  And, I love that Mase got the answers he needed and then quickly moved onto something new, like how he could do tricks on the bench.

Eviction Day!

I don't even know where to begin.  I've intended to write a post for the past few days detailing my mastectomy surgery.  Frankly, I've been too exhausted or too drugged to make much sense, so bare with me.

On Tuesday, Oct. 14th Richard and I reported to the Surgery Center where my plastic surgeon, Dr. Price, marked me up.  My chest looked like a google road map.  Then, we head over to Cox South and wait in the waiting area for about an hour.  I'm nervous and Richard is being the strong, steady rock that he is.  

Waiting to board our plane to Cancun!
Obviously not really, but he sure did make me laugh.

Several of our friends and family have asked to be on a contact list to stay updated during my surgery.    Richard sent the above picture to everyone (including his boss) with the caption: "Waiting to Board Our Flight to Cancun!"  Obviously, we weren't going to Cancun, but it sure made me laugh.  I love that he can be beyond sensitive to the situation, but also finds a way to break the tension.  

Okay, so they call us back and we sit in a pre-op room what seems to be hours.  In actuality it was maybe only 2 hours.  After our 2 hour wait, both my doctors show up and the anesthesiologist.  My breast lump has gotten bigger since I had last seen my breast surgeon, Dr. Buckner.  I remind him of the lump and he feels around it for a bit.  It hurts, and I have always heard that is a good thing, because cancer doesn't usually hurt (not true).  I attributed it to being bigger because my body has been a hormonal battle ground.  He expresses some concern about the lump and says he's going to change the plan a bit and inject some blue dye in my breast.  I was a bit surprised, so honestly I can't exactly even tell you what the blue dye was for.  He still thought it was just a "fatty" but wanted to be sure to check it out.  Shortly after he tells us the new plan, the anesthesiologist is ready to go to town, and again that can't come soon enough.  I'm just thankful I don't have to do a repeat of my hysterectomy where they wheeled me into the operating room still awake.  

The surgery lasts for about 3 hours.  I have a very vague memory of recovery, but I do have an image of Richard walking towards me while I'm still in recovery.  Turns out, I was highly emotional from the anesthesia and the nurse snuck Richard back there for a few minutes hoping it would calm me down.  A huge shout-out to all the nurses who go above and beyond to help a put a patient at ease.  

Some time later, I'm guessing 4:30 in the afternoon, I get taken to my overnight room.  I have a roommate, which was a first for me.  Her name was Kathryn and she had a unilateral mastectomy that afternoon.  She's probably in her late 50's, has gray hair, a little sass, and is as nice as could be.  She reminded me a lot of my mom, which was so comforting.  We shared a lot about our families, our journey, and talked about our boobs a lot.  We even had a great conversation at 3:30 in the morning about how God is always looking over us.  I won't ever forget her.  She has chosen to not get reconstruction and I don't think she is on any kind of pain meds.  Me, on the other hand, am wanting to get my hands on anything they are willing to give me.  I'm in excruciating pain.  Damn tissue expanders.  I feel like I had done a million push ups.  I struggle to even hold up my water cup.  Oh, and we are both peeing bright green thanks to the blue dye.  That was interesting and made both Kathryn and I feel special.  I think we were getting a little punchy since we were sleep deprived.  

I am up most of the night, just able to fall asleep for 10 to 15 minutes at a time.  At one point, I woke up in extreme pain and the nurse quickly stepped up their game.  Those nurses work so hard, and we had some great ones in our room.  

Richard stayed with me until around 7:00 pm, but then switched places with Jill so she could come stay with me a bit.  I kept telling Jill and Richard that I felt this massive relief that the surgery was complete.  Yes, I was in a lot of pain, but it was still worth it because it needed to be done.    

The next morning, my breast surgeon, Dr. Buckner and my plastic surgeon, Dr. Price came in a little before 7:00 am to do rounds.  I really wished Richard was there because he does such a better job hearing what they are saying.  They both remove some bandages and take a look at things.  I tell them that I don't think I want to see them quite yet.  They were extremely respectful of that choice.  Both say that they look as good as possible at this point, so I'm pleased with that.  Eventually, I decide to look.  They are shriveled and rock solid (that's the tissue expanders).  I think they look like two rotten oranges or some deflated balloons.  Not attractive at all, but it's a process.  

I'm released a few hours later...  Over then next day I was in some serious pain.  I laid around a lot and I slept very little.  I put in a call to Dr. Price's office asking if we could do something to help that.  They modified my directions or taking my oxycodone and said I could also alternate ibuprofen.  The new pain management plan seems to be working now.  

Yay!  It's over!  It hurts like hell, but it is over!  

My office: complete with a notebook to journal my drain output and medicine schedule. chapstick, meds, lemon cookies to eat with the medicine so I don't get sick, Jesus Calling devotional, mints, water, and iPad.  Not a bad little set up.  

An Update

An update on my Gill:  Jill is two weeks out from the bomb squad taking care of business (her hysterectomy).  She is doing remarkably well!  She has started driving again and is able to take care of some light house duties.  Physically, the recovery has been easier than expected.  I won't say it's been easy by any means, but she's capable of doing a lot more than she thought she would be (and most definitely doing more than she probably should be).  Physically, the first week was rough, but the second week has been a turning point.  I don't think she was prepared for the emotional toll the hysterectomy would take on her.  She said the first week was horrendous, but seems to be leveling out the second week.  That Gill is such a trooper!  Seriously, she's my hero!

An update on me:  Yesterday I received my mammogram results and everything appeared to be normal!  Hallelujah!  I know that there are a lot of women who would give anything for an unremarkable finding.

Today, I met with a highly recommended plastic surgeon to find out my reconstruction options.  I visited Dr. Carl Price in Springfield, MO.  His office staff was extremely friendly and made me feel very comfortable.  Dr. Price was sincere, attentive, personable and gave me a very realistic picture of the best route of reconstruction (even though it really wasn't exactly what I was hoping for).  Dr. Price also gave me the name of a breast surgeon who could handle the mastectomy; I will be meeting with him in a week to discuss the ins and outs of the mastectomy procedure.  I'm anxious.  But, really glad to be gathering all the information possible now, so that when I'm ready to press forward, I have the information to do so.

I've done quite a bit of research online, but this was my first time to visit with an actual person about the reconstruction process.  I was hoping I was a candidate for an immediate reconstruction (often called a direct to implant reconstruction).  Dr. Price said he would do either procedure, but preferred to do a stage reconstruction with tissue expanders.  The stage reconstruction lasts between 3-5 months (Yikes!) but he said he gets better results with that procedure and there are fewer complications and risks.  Once I was finished with Dr. Price, a nurse led me to a room where they took some 'before' pictures.  Goodness, that was an experience!  I had never been topless in front of a camera before I SWEAR!  So, that was a first, and once my 'after' pictures, that will most certainly be the last :).

Overall, my spirits are good.  I've been keeping very busy with work and planning Mason's birthday party and when you are neurotic like me, staying busy is your friend!  I do get scared when I think about the hysterectomy, so I just try not to think about it (if only it was that easy!).

One of my biggest stresses was how I would get my nose piercing out before my surgery.  Yes, I'm getting ready to have a couple of major surgeries and I am worried about a little nose stud in my nose.  My sister candidly told me "Julie, anyone going through menopause probably shouldn't have a nose piercing."  Touche Gill!  So, out came my nose piercing.  There is so much stuff I cannot control, so after about 3 hours of worrying about this (I told you I was crazy!) I just decided to take it out and be done with it.  I miss it, but I'm not stressing anymore about it, so that's worth something.