Day 17: Still exhausted and a bit livid.

I'm so tired.  Every day I wake up and tell myself 1. to be positive and not to be consumed by this and 2. maybe today will be the day.  I'm tired of having to give my self a pep talk every morning.  I'm hanging on to the fact that it will be 'just one more day.'

Finally, I took it upon myself to call Myriad labs.  So, now I've crossed the line from being that patient to being that certifiably crazy patient.  I didn't have anything to lose.  After giving them some information, I was able to speak with Rachel who was in charge of my case.  (Honestly, I was surprised I was able to talk to an actual person ~ wasn't really expecting that) I just wanted them to know that I am human and I feel like I have been held hostage (granted self-imposed) by them not releasing my results.  I know they are looking forward to their weekend, but I wasn't.  I'm dreading the weekend because I still don't have answers.  I just wanted them to hear that I'm more than a saliva sample.

The conversation went something like this:

Me:  Hi Rachel.  This is Julie Moss.
Rachel: Hi Julie.  I just closed out of your file.
Me:  You did?!  That's great!  Does that mean results will be coming soon?
Rachel: Yes.  We can now start to run your test.
Me:  (Barely able to speak from getting the proverbial wind knocked out of me)  You mean you haven't started my test yet?
Rachel:  Well, we were having some trouble with where to look.  We now know that and am starting your test.  I've put a rush on it.  The test usually takes 5-7 days.
Me:  (Literally out of breath and my heart pounding)  So you mean another week of waiting?
Rachel:  Yes
Me:  Okay.  I'm just so tired.
Rachel:  *Dead silence*
Me:  Thank you.  Bye.

I'm still not sure what the hold up is.  I would have thought since they have Jill's results, my results would have been much faster to locate.  Jill's test was like finding a needle in a haystack.  Her test will tell them exactly where my needle in the haystack is,  and somehow it's taking longer.

I'm frustrated.  And freaking exhausted.  And I wish I could call and give someone a piece of my mind, but 1. that isn't my style and 2. I don't even have the energy to do that if it were my style.

So... More waiting.  I'd give anything if someone would just knock me out and wake me up when this is over.  I catch myself thinking I just can't handle the stress anymore.  But, then I remember, that if BRCA+ the stress has just begun.  It's a marathon, not a sprint.  Thing is, I already feel like I ran that marathon, and now someone really did just pull the tape and say 'sorry, you still have a ways to go.'

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Thanks to all of you who have read the blog and sent sweet texts checking in.  It means a lot.

I know this will come to an end soon.  At least the waiting part.  And I know people who never 'get an end' to their hurt.  It could be worse.  Until then, I will put on my big girl panties and continue on...

Speaking of panties... If I'm BRCA+ that maybe means I would eventually get to throw away all those period panties.  Girls, you know the one's I'm talking about, right?!  That's the silver lining for today.