I'm an F'n Mess and I Haven't Even Started This Thing Yet

Well, this time next week, I will be recovering from my hysterectomy.  I don't know what to think about that.  In fact, I actively try not to think about it.  When I think about it I get scared.  And sad.  And proud.  And scared.

I've been reading on a few websites that people are so happy with their decision to get a hysterectomy.  Most of those women seem to have issues with their uterus or ovaries, but mine have served me very well.  Proof is in the sweet, almost 4 year old that is sleeping in the next room.  I hope I'm doing the right thing.  I pray that I am making the right decision.  I don't know.  I can't even freaking decide what to make for dinner, I'm not real confident I can make a decision like this.  We don't want another baby right now, but the thought of that option being taken away is heartbreaking to me.  I'm hoping tomorrow will be better... Some days I feel like it's the right thing to do, but other days I'm not nearly as clear on what I want.  I can assure you, it isn't an easy decision to make at all!

I did just get a text from a friend of mine who has organized meals for my family after my surgery.  I'm overwhelmed at the amount of support I have!

Tears are flowing I thought this was only supposed to happen after my surgery.  My heart is full, and so heavy all at the same time.  I'm a f'n mess.  Time to drown my sorrows in a bowl of Reese's Puff's cereal.  Don't judge.