My mom is still here, but she's leaving today. Part of me is ready to get back to our regular routine and part of me is so scared to see her go. Richard and Mase go to the basement to workout and Mom and I sit on the back deck laughing a lot and crying a little. I don't care how old you are, you are never too old to need your mom. Really, I've been feeling quite well physically and Mason has been beyond good throughout all of this, so I didn't need her 'manpower' like I thought would, but I did need her 'mom power' ~ you know someone to make me banana pudding, wash my sheets, and lay in bed with me and hold my hand.
Another sweet friend brings by another delicious dinner. At this point, I feel guilty even accepting these dinners. I'm feeling really good and totally capable of making dinner at least for now.
After mom left, I'm feeling strong and we decide to take Mase mini-golfing. I'm totally up for getting out the house and spending some quality time with my sweet little family of 3. At the mini-golf course, I watch Mase playing and getting so excited. I'm sure the feeling will fade, but for now, I cherish those little moments a little more now. This is all I've got. I've got one shot of enjoying this sweet little four year old ~ there are no second chances. Goodness, I'm sorry that sounded so dramatic.
We head home from mini-golf and lunch and Mase falls asleep in the car. I look back at him, see that sweet little face, and start to cry. I choke back the tears because I don't want Richard to see me crying. "Damn it! He saw me!" I quickly turn my head and look outside the passenger window.
He hates it when I cry. I know he would give anything to have me not hurt. We talked about how to handle me crying before my hysterectomy, because we knew there might be some hormonal tears throughout the recovery. We agreed that I would be brutally honest with him and tell him exactly what I needed and why I was crying (if I knew), and that he would have to accept my "I don't know why I'm crying" answer if that's the one I gave. Before he could even ask I say in my quivering voice "I don't know why I'm crying. I'm thinking about how blessed I am to have you and Mase. They seem like happy tears, but the they don't feel as good."
Thankfully, we pull up into the garage. I quickly (well, as quickly as I move post-hysterectomy) jump out and head to bed. I'm exhausted. Richard scoops sleeping Mase up and puts him in his room. Then, he comes to lay down with me. And just holds me and lets me cry a bit more. Somehow a good family nap makes everything a little better.
Oh, and around 4:55 I look at my phone and remember that we have soccer practice that starts at 5:00 (and we live around 20 minutes from the soccer field). Team Moss pulls through and we get to the field not too long after practice starts. That's what Team Moss does... we always pull through ~ TOGETHER!
And, now we are back home... Getting ready to enjoy a dinner that I started out my day thinking I could totally handle. But now the end of the day I clearly realize that if it were left up to me my family would be having cereal for dinner (and as I type that I realize we are out of milk so in all honesty cereal isn't even an option) But because of my sweet friends I don't even have to think twice about dinner. So blessed! Blessed with family. Blessed with friends. Blessed in so many ways. And yet, the tears still fall... Geez! Enough with the dramatics! You all know that isn't really my style. It's the hormones. Don't worry, I will be back to my smartass self soon enough.
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