I'm About to Lose My Sh!t

You know all that positive, strong, confident talk I spew in most of my posts... Well if you are looking for something like that, then please click on any other post and enjoy my rants wisdom.  Truth is: I'm about to lose my shit.  This goes far beyond being nervous.  When I think about it in depth, I get nauseous. And then I eat - I've been consuming embarrassing amounts of Reese's Puffs cereal.

I think I'm in denial.  I was walking with a friend the other day and she asked me what some of my concerns were.  All I could come up with was that I'm scared I was going to be starving - they told me that I wasn't allowed food or water anytime after midnight, which isn't a big deal except my surgery isn't until 4:00 in the following afternoon!  I'm usually 3 bowls deep by that time of day!  Yes, I fully realize that there are bigger fish to fry than me getting 'hangry' but at the time I couldn't even verbalized the lengthy list of fears I have.

Here is a small sampling of what is going through my mind:

1. Am I doing the right thing?
2. What if it isn't really necessary?
3. Should I keep my nipples?
4. What are the chances of me dying during surgery?
5. What are the chances of me dying if I don't have the surgery?  Shit.
6. Who would take care of Richard and Mase?
7. What if this gnarly lump is something really bad?
8. How am I going to go 16+ hours without food and drink?
9. What if I don't ever get to sleep on my stomach again?
10. What if there are complications?
11. What exactly so people mean when they say "it's not painful, just uncomfortable"?
12. Do I have enough help to care for Mason when I am not able to?
13. Do I want my boobs to be smaller than before or the same size?
14. Silicone or saline?
15. Will I be able to look at myself after all this?
16. Will my husband even want to look at me after all of this?
17. What kind of bra will I wear home?
18. I have worn a bra every single day since I was in Jr. High (although truth be told I didn't really need one until I was halfway through my freshman year).  What will it be like to not have to wear a bra?
19. Drains. Ugh, I've heard they are terrible.  How many will there be and how long will they be in there?
20. What if I can't handle it?  

Okay, I'll spare you the rest of the craziness in my head, but those questions circle through my head like a tornado.  And, honestly, that's probably not even half of them!  

Deep breath.

UPDATE (10/10/14): I just received a call saying that my surgery has been moved from 4:00 to 11:00am!  Yay, much less chance I will get hangry... and less time I have to worry!