The Anxiety is Creeping In

This weekend Richard and I are sneaking away with some good friends (two who happens to be my ex-husband and his wife, who is also a friend of mine. Richard and I take credit for setting them up.) to a Garth Brooks concert.  I'm super excited to spend some time with our friends and to have some grown-up time... I know we will have lots of laughs.  But now the anxiety is creeping in as I try to pick out my clothes for the trip.  We've seen it before: anytime I want to dress up, I struggle with my current situation bald. 

I thought I was making progress.  A few times, I have even gone out and about without a hat, forgetting I was bald.  I ran an errand the other day, and didn't realize I was 'exposed' until I walked up to the register to pay.  I was really proud of myself, I've made a lot of progress.  And, then there was earlier this week when I delivered a meal to a friend who had a baby and I'm pretty sure I scared her kids with my bald head.  I had ran off without a hat, and gosh, the looks on their faces was quite funny and made me smile.  They don't know to be sad or to look away, they just know to ask questions and share their curiosity.  I love it!  It does look silly.  

So, I was sharing my anxiety with Richard.  Anxiety about being around beautiful women (who I should also mention are extremely kind and sweet!).  Sara is a petite gal with amazing dark skin and black, shiny hair.  Marisa is also super petite, with long, blond hair.  And she runs wins marathons.  Me, I'm bald.  And 15 pound overweight.  And today I was proud of myself for getting on a treadmill and walking 2.5 miles.  And I still have a cold sore that my body refuses to let heal.  And my boobs look like Frankenstein and feel like whoopee cushions.  Admittedly, I also have anxiety about being around my ex-husband.  I'm a girl, on some level I'd like to show him what he missed out on, (although admittedly, we both would whole-heartedly agree we ended up with better long-term matches).  And, I want to be a wife Richard can be proud of.  I know he's proud of me, but I used to look a little more like Barbie and a little less like Mr. Clean.

UPDATE: Well, we're back from the road trip and happy to report we had a great time!  The concert was awesome.  And, goodness, we are so blessed with amazing friends.  As we were walking through a crowd of 20,000 people, I rocked the bald.  The arena was warm and wearing my stocking cap just wasn't comfortable.  I loved the way Richard held my hand in a crowd of that many people.  He was probably just trying to make sure I wouldn't lose him in the sea of people, but in my mind it was his way of saying "This is my wife and I'm proud to be with her."

We also went to The Cheesecake Factory, where I ordered 2 pieces of cheesecake for dessert: Lemon meringue and Oreo explosion.  Yum!  I ate them both, too!  I figured, I have cancer.  And if I wanted two pieces of cheesecake, I was going to order two pieces of cheesecake.  Life is too short.

Enjoying the dance!

These are our friends Brian and Marisa Blackford and Brett and Sara Wilson.  Richard, Brett and Brian have known each other since grade school.